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My heart crashed. Why the hell am I so stupid? I slammed my locker shut. Vivian walked towards me, we were good friends, but she and Ty were like glue.
“Dude, what the fuck?” I dropped my head. The bell rang, I walked but she stopped me. “Talk to me, what’s going on.”
The hall way was completely empty and we walked out to the back of the building and sat on a bench.
“Tell me. Please. I’ll try to understand.”
“It was stupid, he came over, told me he loved me, wanted to know why I left him for the person who left me. And it’s just…” I paused for a moment, holding my breath, “what he said was true. I didn’t want him to hurt, seeing him like that, so vulnerable, so hurt because of what I did, it made me sick. I didn’t realize how much it hurt worse to see Ty like that though.”
She took my hand in hers. “So you still want to be with him?”
“More than anything, but I screwed it up.”
“I used to have this same conversation with Ty. Here’s what you need to do, Jake, you need to fuck him.”
I burst out in laughter. God she’s so weird. She looked at me, she was dead serious.
“Laugh all you want, I’m not kidding. You need to.”
“How do I if he doesn’t even want to be near me? He might call the cops.” by now we were both laughing. She shrugged.
“He’d do it, trust me.”
Don’t think about it, don’t think about it. Carrie looked at me, concerned.
“What’s wrong, Ty?” I shook my head. I just wanted to leave. My heart literally ached; it felt like it was tearing. How could he do that? I thought… he loved me? I’ve loved him, for a long time. I guess it was time wasted then, he’s moved on from me. Concentrate, Tyler, get yourself together. He’s just some boy… Some freakishly cute boy. Who is a great kisser and made me feel amazing. Who told me he loved me and then went and fucked another guy. Who lied to me, who made me believe him. Just some boy who let me stay at his house, the boy who let me sleep in his bed and insisted he slept on the floor, the boy who has known all of my secrets since I was 9. The one that I wanted to hold at night. Yeah, just that boy…. What am I doing to myself? I’m just making it harder. It’s even worse trying to leave him this time around.
The bell rang and I got up quickly and went to my locker. I flipped open my cell phone; 4 missed calls and 15 unread text. Ugh. They’re all from Jake. I listened to a voicemail, “Ty, please pick up, please. I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to. Please just please talk to me.” I tossed my phone back into my locker, I didn’t even want to look at him.
And then I did, walking towards me, guilt in his eyes. I hoped to God he was going through hell…. Then I realized that’s what I put him through. He stood, right in front of me, his eyes were dropped onto the floor.
“Tyler,” he whispered.
“What?” I responded. He shifted his weight and before I knew it, his lips were on mine. I pulled away quickly.
“What the hell are you doing?”
He looked at me, “I love you, I love you so much Ty. It kills me. I’m so sorry I did that to you. Please. Give me another chance.”
“I don’t know. I got to get going.” I walked to my 2nd hour. This was going to be a long day.
I went home, heart broken. My mom wasn’t home; I’ll just tell her I felt sick. I do feel sick. I kicked off my shoes and went to bed. The urge to call him was tugging at me. I want him back. I’m going to get him back. I absolutely have to get him back. I laid there forever, my head buried in my pillow. Why am I such a fuck up?
“Jake?” my mothers voice rang out, “I’m home!” I heard her footsteps up stairs. She knocked on the door.
“Come on in.”
She looked at me, “What’s wrong, sweetie? You look sick?”
“I didn’t feel good today so I came home. If poker oyna that’s alright.”
“Oh of course.” she touched my forehead. “No fever. Will you be going to school tomorrow?”
I thought about it, “It depends on how I feel in the morning.”
“Alright, you rest up, okay?” she patted my shoulder and left the room, closing the door behind her.
My phone vibrated. Viv. ‘hey chap, I talked to ty. call me when u get this.’
I waited a few minutes, and then dialed her. “Hey, what’s up? Where were you today?”
“I left to go home early.”
“Oh. You feeling okay?”
“Yeah. I guess…” I paused. “Actually, I feel like shit.”
“Well, I talked to him….”
“He was pretty pissed off. He said he never wanted to see you again. But then I told him that you gave him a second chance, why couldn’t he? He was pretty quiet after that.”
“Thanks, Viv. I can talk to him later. Hopefully.”
“Okay, sleep tight. Night.”
“Night.” She hung up. I don’t know now. I called Tyler. It went to voicemail, again.
“Hey Ty, it’s me. Please pick up. I’m sorry. You don’t know how much I’m sorry. Please, just talk to me. I’m so stupid, I know… God you’re probably just going to delete this but whatever. I just want you back Ty, I’m sorry. I made a mistake, but hell, I make a lot of them. I spent half a fucking year trying to avoid you, I didn’t realize how much time I was wasting, being stubborn. I should have just forgave you, and maybe, we wouldn’t be in this situation. And maybe right now, you’d be here, in my arms. The way I’ve always wanted it to be. Anyways. Please, I’m sorry. Bye.”
God, I hoped he’d listen. Just hear me out, just want me back like I do. I was in over my head, what I did was wrong and unforgivable. I’m just going to sleep it out now and hope he calls back.
I sat at the dining room table, across from my father, my mother sitting next to me and an empty chair to my right, where Addie used to sit, but she’s long gone now. She offered to take me in, but she lives in Seattle now. She’s the only one in my family who knows about me being gay and she accepts it. If my parents ever found out, they’d over freak. My parents were the biggest homophobes ever. Maybe I shouldn’t tell them, maybe I should just get my ass out of here.
“So, how is school, Tyler?” my mom asked.
“Fine, I guess.” My mom used to be the best. Until she found some drugs. She’s a great mom, just not when she’s coked out. But it’s rare. My dad, well… I put up with him. He’s a drunk, a violent drunk. They used to go to church every Sunday, maybe that’s why they’re homophobes.
“You’re making decent grades.”
“It’s great to have you home, ain’t that right, Steven?”
He just grunted and focused his attention to the football game on the tv, shoving a mouth full of potatoes in his mouth. I just played with the uneaten food on my plate. My mom was sitting and smiling, acting as if we were the perfect family. In her dreams, we were far from perfect, we were far from family.
“Are you going to eat, Ty?” she asked in the sweetest voice it almost made me sick.
“No, I’m not. May I be excused?”
“Sure.” she smiled a hurt smile, I left anyways. It was good to go back to my room. It felt better. I jumped on my bed and looked at my phone. One missed call and one new voicemail. Would it hurt to listen? Probably, I hit play anyways.
“Hey Ty, it’s me. Please pick up. I’m sorry. You don’t know how much I’m sorry. Please, just talk to me. I’m so stupid, I know… God you’re probably just going to delete this but whatever. I just want you back Ty, I’m sorry. I made a mistake, but hell, I make a lot of them. I spent half a fucking year trying to avoid you, I didn’t realize how much time I was wasting, being stubborn. I should canlı poker oyna have just forgave you, and maybe, we wouldn’t be in this situation. And maybe right now, you’d be here, in my arms. The way I’ve always wanted it to be. Anyways. Please, I’m sorry. Bye.”
Hearing his words made my hear ache again. Why was he blaming himself for something I did? Those six months were my fault, but he was blaming himself.
I felt sick, like I was going to vomit. Should I call him back? Talk to him?
No. I can’t. Not now. It’s too soon.. I should just focus. Stay cool. I got ready for bed and laid down for a while, thinking about him. I fell asleep without warning. * I woke up dizzy; I washed my face and got ready for school. Another long day, wasting my time just sitting and people waste their time just talking to people who don’t even listen. I pulled on a red shirt and some jeans and grabbed my book-bag. Walking down the stairs I called Viv.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey. Need a ride?”
“Came early, remember? Tuesday, student council.”
“Oh yeah.” I replied.
“Got to go, I’ll see you later.” she hung up. My mom was in the kitchen. She had been cooking. My dad was already off at work. I walked over and she looked at me and smiled.
“Morning, Ty. Breakfast?” I grabbed a plate and got some eggs. I ate and put my dishes in the sink. “What time will you be home tonight?” she asked.
“Eight. I work after school today.”
“Ah.” she sighed. “Do you still work at that video store?”
“Yeah. It pays okay and I mostly just stand there.” she kissed my cheek and I got into my car. It wasn’t much. Just a hunk of crap, but it works. The drive was short and I got a good parking space. I looked around for Jake’s car, it wasn’t anywhere so I went to my locker. Viv walked over to me,
“Hey,” she smiled. I smiled back.
“Ehh. Nothing. Boring meeting this morning. So what’s the news with Jake.” I sighed and let her listen to the voicemail.
“He’s so adorable, Ty. Just give him another chance.” I shook my head.
“I… I don’t know. I’ll talk to him today.”
“GOOD.” she said. She patted me on the back and left for class. I looked at my phone, I’ll find him during lunch. Carrie met up with me for English. We walked side by side and sat next to each other, like always.
“What’s been up?” she asked.
I looked at her, “You don’t know?”
“Well…. I do, Viv told me. What are you going to do about it?”
“I’ll talk to him during lunch.” I replied.
“Ehh. He’s not here. I looked for him earlier for social studies but he’s home, sick.”
Shit. I’ll leave during third then. I’ll go see him. God I don’t know how much longer I could wait. I needed to see him. * I got into my car and drove to his place. I haven’t been here in forever. I got out of my car and walked up to the door. I gently knocked on the door. Jake’s mom opened up, he face was a mixture of surprise and anger.
“Oh hello, Tyler. I haven’t seen you in a while.” I knew she hated me after what happened. Maybe she’ll grow to like me again.
“Hi.” I said in a sweet voice, “Is Jake in?”
“He’s upstairs, he’s not feeling well. You can go on up if you want.”
“Thank you,” I replied and took off my shoes and walked up the stairs. The door was the second one on the left. I gently tapped it and went inside. He was lying on his stomach with the blanket up across his bare lower back. His head was turned towards the opposite wall. I don’t think he knew it was me. I walked closer to him and I took off my shirt and lifted up the covers and sank in. I laid my head on his warm shoulder and draped my arm across him. I embraced his warmth and soapy sent.
I heard the front door shut and a car pull away; his mother was probably off to work. We laid like that internet casino for a while. Then he turned and faced me, he pressed his soft lips to my forehead.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. I didn’t say anything, I just pulled myself up to his lips and tasted them. He probed his tongue in my mouth and I gladly let it explore. I was getting so hard feeling his skin against mine. I pulled myself of top of him and moved my lips onto his neck. He sighed happily and I started to undo my jeans. I managed to kick them off I trailed kisses down his chest. I made out with his abs, licking and teasing them. There was a huge, loose bulge in his boxers. I’m going all the way today. I gently nudged it, sucking through the fabric. He let out a gasp as I pulled the boxers off, revealing his long cock.
I slowly kicked and sucked for a little. Then he turned me until we were in a sideways 69 position. He took me into his mouth. It felt so good as Jake slowly bobbed his head and rubbed my sack.
I felt like I was going to explode. Jake pulled away and brought me back to his lips. I was so hard it hurt. He gently moved his hand around my aching cock.
“I love you,” I whispered to him. He smiled and leaned over to his side table. He pulled out a condom and a small tube of lube. He was about to rip open the condom but I stopped him.
“Are you sure?” he asked. I nodded.
“I want to feel you.”
He kissed me and I laid on my back as his lips met mine. He applied the lube directly to my hole and then some on his fingers. He slipped one in and I gasped.
“Just tell me when to stop, I don’t want to rush you.” It felt so good. He slipped another finger in, I moaned.
“Are you ready?” he asked sweetly, I nodded. I got up on my hands and knees and he applied more lube. The tip of his head pushed in. It hurt so much. I groaned in pain. “I’ll stop.” he said.
“NO!” I practically screamed. I wanted this. I wanted him. He nudged in further, being careful not to hurt me. It burned and after he was fully in, he waited.
“God you’re so tight.” he whispered. Jake bent over me and kissed my shoulder and my back. He gently thrust into me. I didn’t feel anything… Then he thrust again and I moaned. That… Felt good.
His fingers intertwined with mine and I squeezed them. We were both grunting like animals and he jerked me off with every thrust.
“Fuck,” Jake said. “I’m going to cum.”
He pulled out and I collapsed and turned over on my back. He jacked me off while he was doing himself, I came first the Jake did. We both lay there, breathless and panting. He grabbed a shirt from the floor and whipped us off. I kissed him again and we held each other close. I checked the time, it was almost three. We were at it for two hours.
“I have to go soon, I have work.” I said.
“Me too.” I pulled my face to his again and kissed him. I put my clothes on and he walked me out.
“What time do you get out?”
“Nine. Sometimes I close up around 11. It depends.”
“Oh.” he kissed me. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Bye,” I smiled. I drove off and got to the video store. My shift was with Frank today. He’s a cool guy, weird though. He’s like, modern day Yoda, no joke. He knew the answer to everything. I grabbed my work shirt out of my backpack and change in the car.
I walked in, “Hey Frank.”
“Hi Tyler. How’s it going?”
“Alright. How about you?”
“You look sad,” he said.
I shrugged, “Just worried, I guess.”
“Want to share?”
“It’s just, I found a guy that I really like. But I don’t know how long I could keep it away from my parents. If they found out, I’d be doomed.”
“Well, have you discussed this with them?”
“No, if I ever brought up something remotely gay, they’d lecture me about how sinful most of my friends are and they’re lucky that they have a ‘normal’ son. Too bad I’m gay as fuck.”
We both laughed a little, “Well, you’re almost out of the house, they can’t bother you then.”
“Yeah… That’s three months. Way too long.”
He shrugged, “Better than never.”
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