CHAPTER EIGHT
“I said, ‘You planning to sleep all day?'”
Dana lifted her head to squint at Zoe. She was no more than a silhouette against the blinding light from the window behind her. Dana drew a noisy breath and sighed, exhausted. She wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep. She was lying sprawled on her belly, her pillow clutched in her arms. “What time is it?”
“It’s after noon,” Zoe said.
Her words sent a jolt of alarm through Dana. She stared at Zoe through a curtain of hair for a moment, then brushed it aside. “What! After noon?”
Sleeping in until after noon? What would her mother say? She’d say that that kind of laziness was not to be tolerated, not in her household. The threat of her lingering disapproval drove Dana to struggle into a sitting position. She flung her bedclothes aside—and then it all came back to her.
She was in her dorm room at college, not at home. It was Sunday. She hadn’t missed any classes. You missed church, though—again, her inner voice reminded her. She’d attended services at a local church exactly once since she’d started college. Not that she was going to tell her parents that.
And she really wasn’t going to tell them about last night. Oh god. She felt her face grow hot just thinking about what she’d done. She’d slept with Darren. She’d fucked Darren. Several times. They’d awakened several times last night and had sex again each time. It wasn’t just Darren’s doing, either. She remembered very clearly now waking up and wanting him.
She’d had him, too. It was the first time she had sex on top, and damned if it wasn’t a thrill to ride him, setting the pace, and enjoying being in charge.
“I guess your date with Darren was a success,” Zoe said.
“Yeah?”
Zoe grinned. “Yeah. You’re grinning like the cat that ate the canary. Plus, you either don’t know or don’t care that you’re completely naked.”
Dana glance down, confirming Zoe’s observation, then yanked the bedclothes up to cover herself. Her cheeks burned.
“So tell me. Was your date all that you hoped it would be?”
Dana looked everywhere but at Zoe, feeling as if her insides had seized up. She wanted to tell Zoe all about it—and she couldn’t imagine speaking of it. She tried to imagine what she would say, tried to imagine opening her mouth and saying the words. But they jammed up in her throat and she remained silent.
Zoe’s sigh was almost silent. “That’s okay,” she said. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I just thought you might want to.” She scooted to the edge of her bed, clearly preparing to leave.
“I do,” Dana said. Zoe paused, looking at her. “Want to,” Dana added. “Talk about it.”
Zoe remained still, watching her with a neutral expression, as if she were watching a deer, aware that the slightest movement would spook it. Was that how she looked to Zoe, Dana wondered. Did she seem that skittish? That fragile?
Probably. “It’s…not easy for me,” she said. Massive understatement.
Zoe nodded carefully. “I know. You’re a very private person. We’ve discussed that before. If I’d grown up the way you did, trapped in a tiny town with people still living in the past, I’d probably have turned out just like you.”
Dana failed to smother a huge grin.
“What’s funny?”
Dana shook her head. Then realized she was shutting down again. “It’s just—I can’t imagine you growing up in my home town. You wouldn’t fit in.”
“Exactly. I’d have been forced to conform, the way you were, or I’d have been shunned. Either way I would have been miserable.” She caught Dana’s eye. “The way you were.”
“I wasn’t miserable!”
“Weren’t you?”
“No!” Dana felt affronted by Zoe’s implication. “I had a happy childhood.”
“Are you sure about that?” Zoe tilted her head. “I mean, I’m not saying your family was awful, or that they mistreated you—”
“They didn’t! I had a great family. We didn’t argue or fight—or nothing more than childish arguments with my siblings. We never got into any trouble with the law….”
Dana paused to consider what she’d said. Zoe’s next words might have been snatched from her thoughts. “That’s a pretty low bar, though,” she said. “Isn’t it? But were you happy—really? Did you feel like your family understood you? Or understood the things you were interested in?”
Dana opened her mouth, then closed it. She thought about what Zoe had asked. Opened her mouth and closed it again. Zoe waited, silent and sympathetic. “No,” Dana said at last. “They didn’t—don’t—really get me. Or my interests.”
She didn’t have to elaborate. She’d talked to Zoe about her interest in science fiction and fantasy, and in science, and in all things strange. She’d haunted the tiny town library all through high school, reading what little they had on those topics. Even books on UFOs and Fortean pseudo-science, the supernatural and the like. Anything that suggested a bigger, more interesting world than the yenibosna escort one she lived in.
“That must have been hard,” Zoe said.
Dana nodded, uncomfortable with the conversation. But that was pretty typical. Talking about herself, about anything that really mattered to her was always uncomfortable. Which, when she thought it, was a pretty damning statement. If talking about things that really mattered, sharing your feelings and your thoughts, was scary—what did that say about the people to whom you were closest?
“Well, enough about that,” Zoe said brightly. She sat up and clasped her hands in her lap, looking attentive. “Tell me about your date with Darren.”
Dana could have kissed her, she was so grateful for the change of topic. “It was…great,” she said. “Really great. We went to the party first, but you know that. You and Bobby were there too. It was too crowded and noisy and dark for me, though. So we went to get sandwiches at Jimmy Wong’s. We talked for a while, then we came back here.”
Zoe waited. When Dana didn’t continue she said, “And?”
Dana looked down at her feet, wanting to say more but feeling herself close down at the thought of revealing more. Her throat felt tight. “You know.”
“I have a general idea, yeah,” Zoe said. “But what about the specifics? Did you have fun?” Zoe prompted her. “Did you come?”
A broad grin forced its way through her embarrassment. She looked up, meeting Zoe’s gaze, shocked by her sudden eagerness to boast about it. “Yeah. I did.” She paused to emphasize her next words. “Lots of times.”
Zoe grinned back at her. “Good for you! You used protection, right?”
“Of course!” Dana didn’t even want to think what her parents would say if she ever got pregnant. Oh god, just the thought of it made her anxious.
“I figured,” Zoe said. “But sometime in the heat of the moment it can be easy to forget.”
“Yeah, but we didn’t.”
“Good. We should talk about other kinds of birth control sometime, though.”
“Why?”
“Well, first of all, it makes it even less likely that you’ll get pregnant. And second….”
“And second, what?” Dana asked, as Zoe clearly wanted her to do.
“It’s better without a condom.”
“It is?”
Zoe nodded enthusiastically. “Better for you, better for him. Just all around better.”
Dana was dubious. “Why?” Using a condom hadn’t seemed so bad to her.
“It just feels better skin to skin,” Zoe said. “You don’t have to stop the action to find a condom and put it on him, or wait for him to do it—or take it off him if you want to switch from fucking to sucking him. Or put another one on him when he’s ready to fuck again.”
Placed in that context, Dana understood. She’d watched Zoe having sex with—fucking—two different lovers. Dana realized that she’d never used a condom, though she’d had plenty in her bedside drawer for Dana to use on her date.
“Why do you have some if you don’t use them?”
“Oh, I do sometimes. It depends on the guy.” She gave Dana a sly smile. “So, tell me about your date.”
She did. The story didn’t come smoothly, or all at once. Despite feeling ridiculously proud of herself for daring to have this adventure, despite the urge to boast of it, she still found it hard to open up even to Zoe. She revealed the story slowly, with frequent pauses, occasionally prompted by a question from Zoe. But she told the whole story, from making out before she turned out the lamp to the last kiss Darren gave her before he left her room well after dawn.
“How do you feel about it?” Zoe asked.
Dana considered the question for a long while, aware that Zoe sat silently waiting, giving her all the time she needed. “I feel…like a different person. Like this was such a momentous event that the world should be able to see it. Like when I walk across campus, people will look and point and whisper about how I’ve changed.”
She shook her head at her own foolishness. “Which is stupid. I didn’t do anything hundreds of other students didn’t do last night. That millions of people don’t do every day. It wasn’t even the first time for me!”
“In some ways it was, though,” Zoe said. “You said it yourself—it was the first time you had sex simply because you wanted to. Don’t sell yourself short. That’s a big deal.” She smiled. “I’m glad it was everything you wanted it to be. So I guess you’ll be seeing Darren again?”
Dana nodded. “I hope so.”
The conversation wound down after that. Zoe packed some textbooks into her backpack and left for the library to study with a friend, leaving Dana alone in the room. She considered going back to sleep but her conscience wouldn’t let her. Too many years of her mother’s rules had done their work. She climbed out of bed and walked into the bathroom. A long shower helped her to wake up. Her stomach grumbled, reminding her she hadn’t eaten in over twelve hours—not since a sandwich with Darren the night before.
She zeytinburnu escort stole one of Zoe’s bagels and some shmear from the mini-fridge. It wasn’t her first choice, but it quieted her stomach. Sunday afternoon loomed ahead of her with nothing planned. She could study—but her heart wasn’t in it. Not today. None of her other usual options were any more appealing. In the end, she decided to go for a walk.
She wandered the campus for hours, marveling at the sights. The whole world seemed different. It wasn’t the world, though. As she’d told Zoe, she felt as if everyone she met should be able to see her secret, to know that she’d had sex last night. Nobody did. If they’d known, they wouldn’t have cared. They had their own lives—and many of them, their own lovers.
Dana watched the other students as she walked. Individuals, couples, groups, mostly walking somewhere. It was too cold to sit outside reading or talking, or sunbathing. She wondered about the couples she saw. How many were lovers? Many of them, certainly. She smiled to herself, still a little shocked but very pleased to know that she was one of their number now.
The sun sank toward the horizon. It grew colder outside, and a single bagel wasn’t enough. Dana walked to the Commons and had dinner before returning to the room. She found Zoe at her desk studying. It was a good idea, and Dana found that her walk had helped her settle down. She no longer felt like she’d just joined a secret society. That she’d had sex last night didn’t change the fact that she had classes tomorrow. She sat down at her own desk and reached for her Geology text.
CHAPTER NINE
Monday afternoon Dana found a note taped to the whiteboard on the door of her dorm room. It had her name on it. She unfolded it.
Guess you’re not in. I had a great time with you this weekend. How about another date Friday night? I’d have called, but I don’t have your number. Here’s mine. Darren.
He’d written his phone number beneath his name. Dana studied the note, a huge grin on her face. She felt unreasonably thrilled by the note, and it warmed her all over.
She pulled her phone out of her jeans pocket and added Darren to her contacts. She sent a text: And now you have mine. I’d love to see you Friday.
Friday was painfully slow to arrive. Dana found herself obsessed with thoughts of sex. Memories of sex with Darren, fantasies about more sex with him. Curiosity about who else around her was having sex. It interfered with her schoolwork, distracting her in class and making it difficult to study. She masturbated almost daily, which was not like her at all!
Of course not, she told herself. She’d always rubbed one out as quickly and efficiently as possible when her sex drive became a distraction, a mechanical release to clear her mind. It was witnessing Zoe’s sex life that revealed what she’d been missing. She was embarrassingly eager to have sex again with Darren.
Darren arrived at her door at six. Dana wore jeans as usual, but with a green silk blouse Zoe had helped her buy. It was tighter than any of her other tops, drawing attention to her figure in a way that embarrassed and aroused her simultaneously. Based on the way Darren looked at her when he saw it, it was producing the desired effect.
He gave her a kiss. “Hey, Dana. You look nice.”
Dana smiled. “Thanks. You too.” They stood looking at one another for a moment. “So,” Dana said to break the silence. “What’s the plan for tonight?”
“Dinner and a movie,” Darren said. “Italian?”
“Great,” Dana said. Not that she knew anything about Italian food aside from spaghetti. She grabbed a jacket from the foot of her bed. “I’m out of here,” she called to Zoe, who was primping in the bathroom for her own date.
Zoe popped her head out, grinning broadly. “You kids have fun! I’ve got the room tonight, right?”
“Right,” Dana said, glancing at Darren. He nodded. “Later!” Dana said.
Afterwards she couldn’t have said much about the meal—and even less about the movie. It was some kind of spy thriller, but she was too absorbed in anticipating sex later that evening to pay attention to it. She leaned into Darren when he put his arm around her, and rested her hand on his thigh. She caressed him through the denim of his own jeans. He pressed a kiss on the top of her head. She raised her head to look at him, inviting another kiss, which he gave her.
Very shortly they were seriously making out, the movie forgotten. They kissed intently, breathing through their noses, desperate for one another. She caressed him more firmly, stroking his thigh higher until she discovered his erection. Darren stroked the side of her face, then dropped a hand to cup her breast. Dana was excited to know that he could feel her erect nipple through her bra and blouse. In another minute, he was fondling her bare breast through the open front of her blouse and Dana mecidiyeköy escort shocked herself by fumbling with the zipper of his jean.
Darren broke the kiss . “Let’s go back to my room,” he whispered.
“God, yes,” Dana said.
Dana felt certain everyone in the lobby and corridors of Darren’s dorm knew why she was there, that they were all aware of how she’d hastily fumbled her clothes back on for the walk from the theater. She kept her head up, though, resisting the urge to hunch her shoulders guiltily. She had nothing to feel guilty about. That was just her upbringing talking.
A knot of residents were standing in the hallway conversing loudly. They greeted Darren equally loudly. He nodded and replied. Darren greeted them as he stopped in front of a door and fished in his pocket. “So, who’s your friend?” one of them asked, eyeing Dana. She avoided his gaze.
“Dana, this is the peanut gallery. Peanut gallery, this is Dana,” Darren said.
“Hi, Dana!” they chorused. Dana gave a little wave to them all, feeling her cheeks flush. Darren pushed the door open.
“So is she your girlfriend?” another guy asked.
“See you later, guys,” Darren said, steering Dana into the room. A desk lamp provided the only light, leaving the room cloaked in shadows. He closed the door on a barrage of questions. It rose to a crescendo, then faded quickly. Dana drew a deep breath and let it out, wriggling her shoulders to dispel the tension which had settled there.
“Don’t pay any attention to those guys,” Darren said from behind her. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her temple.
Dana leaned into his embrace. “I won’t.”
His kisses wandered down to her ear. He nipped at her earlobe and she shivered. Darren turned her to face him. She reached up with both hands to pull him down into a hungry open-mouthed kiss. He returned it eagerly, grabbing her ass with both hands and pulling her hard up against him. There was no missing his hard cock.
Dana leaned back, breaking the kiss, and began hastily unbuttoning her blouse. Darren took the hint, released her and began undressing. In less than a minute they were naked. Mingled arousal and nervousness tightened Dana’s skin and quickened her breathing as she studied her lover in the dim light. He was just as she remembered him. He stood motionless save for his eyes, which studied her avidly.
She wasn’t sure which of them moved first. They were wrapped up in one another all at once, mouths moving over lips, cheeks, necks, desperate to taste one another; his hands found her breasts and teased her nipples into rigid peaks. Her own hands kneaded his buttocks, studied the shape of his hipbones—and oh god but they were sexy under her fingertips—and found their way to his cock and balls, taking the measure of him and drawing out breathy sounds of pleasure.
He steered her toward a bed. His bed. She stumbled once, over a pile of discarded clothing. The room was more cluttered than the one she shared with Zoe. Darren directed her to sit on the edge of the bed. He knelt at her feet and leaned to take a breast into his mouth.
“Ohhh,” Dana moaned. He kissed and licked and suckled at her nipple, fondling the other with one hand. The pleasurable sensations sparked a response between her legs. She wanted his touch there as well.
As if he’d sensed her desire, his other hand touched her knees. She sat with her knees demurely together from sheer habit, her nudity and wanton behavior notwithstanding. He slid his hand between her knees, nudging them apart, urging her to spread her legs wider. Wider still.
She felt his mouth move away from her breast. “Lie back,” he instructed her.
Dana’s breath caught for an instant. She knew what he intended, knew what pleasure it offered, and she wanted it. Wanted it desperately. She leaned back on her elbows until the back of her head touched the wall. It was a narrow bed. She turned to sprawl at an angle across it, lying flat. She spread her legs wider still, one along the edge of the bed, the other foot on the floor, offering herself up, eager for the touch of his tongue.
Darren kissed her inner thighs, the touch of his lips sending sparks along her nerves. He lifted her leg to rest on his shoulder as he leaned in close. She felt his breath on her vulva, stirring the hairs gently. He kissed her there, then again on her inner thighs. She heard him inhale, taking in her scent. It turned her on, knowing that he liked it.
This wasn’t like last time. She wasn’t anxious about whether he could smell her arousal, or whether he liked it. She knew he did. She felt more relaxed, despite lying in a stranger’s bed in a strange room. She was excited and eager and, yes, a little anxious still. But she knew what to expect now and she wanted it. She was eager and aroused and wet and wanting.
Darren’s mouth gave her great pleasure. His lips and tongue caressed and teased and licked and stroked her with greater skill than he had shown before. He too had learned from their first night together. He knew better how to arouse her, when to press his attack and when to back off a little. She tried watching him at first, but it involved holding her head up, which was tiring and distracting. She chose instead to relax and close her eyes, the better to focus on the feel of his mouth on her sex.