My Heart is My Jewel: A Tall Tale Parable
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Chapter One: A Hopeless Reality
Gustavo Santaolalla’s “The Choice” begins
Quote fades in.
“You may not understand now, but in due time, all will be revealed to you” – Jesus
Fade to black.
I remember a dark time in my life. A time of complete sorrow. Yelling into the darkness of a homies apartment, I wanted the darkness to consume me. To either kill me or kill my love for humanity. Little did I know, those two were one and the same.
It started off fine. Two coworkers turned friends. Turned best friends. Turned brothers. Sometimes other homies and friends partook. Sometimes not. But like any relationship that is not meant to be, things go sour quick.
Soon, I was alone. I had my family, but [snapshots of terrible times] they were distant now. All I had was…what I thought I had. Sometimes I clung to food for hope. Other times drugs. Other times movies. I avoided thinking of a way out, and remember asking my father one day on our way to work.
“How do you do it? Deal with the grind of life”
“Day by day,” he’d say.
Course this was coming from a maturer perspective. After all, he slaved away for 30 odd years to be able to claim the right to be half as angry and resentful and wealthy as he was. I on the other hand, hadn’t. I was a nobody, a loser, a fiend. Who was I to say he was unhappy?
Song ends
There came a night, one similar to the rest. I packed myself a bowl, took a hit, and went to take a shower. Thats, when it hit me. Thats when I got in touch with the most high.
Zoom into eye.
Santa’s Book Reveal.
My name revealed as a name on a page in the bad side.
Zoom out of eye.
“I’M IN THE BAD BOOK!”
Freeze frame: I knew I was fucked.
Logic’s “Alright” {instrumental} begins
The next day, I decided it was in my best interest to join the Navy. I tried joining the Army once, but [snapshots of crazy shit that happened] that didn’t really pan out.
“So Navy, huh?” my recruiter said.
“Yes sir. I want to get my life back on track,” I said.
“Okay well…sure. Have a seat and we’ll get started”.
Hand shake and freeze frame
My voice: “I was in”
About a week before I was due to ship out to Chicago for basic training, I thought of Julissa.
Past memory montage
She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. As she walked by, I admitted to myself that she reminded me of my favorite porn star, Remy Lacroix. But let’s not get it twisted, I liked Julissa so much more. For a time, before I lost all my friends and family, I worked along side her at my dad’s business. I was between jobs, and I was thankful for the opportunity, but lets be real, I was always most excited to see her. We made small talk and often found ways to make a heaven out of that place. It was always the little things.
“So what’s your favorite color?” She asked.
“Green,” I said.
“Me too,” she responded smiling.
It grew from there, us occasionally hanging out outside of work to spend time together.
“Pizza is like the best isn’t it?”
“Yea I love pizza, its like my favorite food.”
…chews…
“Hey can I get your advice?”
“Yea what’s up?”
“I’m having a problem with my boyfriend.”
What am I chopped liver? I thought. But I listened intently.
“What’s the problem?”
She went on to tell me some story about how he got her a lightsaber at Disneyland or something. I don’t remember entirely, because I was too busy being jealous of her boyfriend.
“So what do you think?” she said finally finished with her story. “How would you feel in that situation?”
Shit. I thought. I have to answer quick.
“Well if I was your boyfriend, I don’t think I’d appreciate you hanging out with another guy,”
She smiled, liking my perspective.
We went on a few more dates, but always as friends. Unfortunately, at that same time, I was negating my own opportunity for growth slowly but surely, going to my buddies house to use every other night. Even he started getting tired of it.
“Bro get out,” he tried guiding me with his hand, being fed up with me crashing at his place.
“No,” I said, a true demon baby.
He left in frustration. He was a grown ass man, a full work schedule and everything. He didn’t have time to be babysitting my ass while I inadvertently spat in his face for being born into a rich family and not using my resources to get ahead. So when he couldn’t provide me with my childish desire to get high and hear one of his compelling stories, I went to his roommate. Surely he had what I was looking for.
“Hey Larry”.
“Hey nickkk”
“Wanna smoke?” I asked.
Freeze frame on my face.
You could see it in my eyes. I was fucked.
Song ends
Not all my weed experiences were about the homies, though. I remember one memory in particular, I will never forget.
It was like a day like any other. Except it wasn’t.
Post Malone’s “Rockstar” {instrumental} begins
Scene: What do you want me to do?!
I cried like a baby desperately aware that it was about to die, calling out for someone to save it. It felt like someone Trabzon Escort ran over a fire-hydrant; I just couldn’t stop.
I eventually I did though, and when that happened, I swore I’d never love again.
“Hey man I got your pills…”
I knew this was stupid. I had 20 dollars in my bank account, and I was buying 100 dollars worth of ecstasy from my own cousin.
“I don’t wanna be here! I said.
I…hmmmn.
I took a pill on my Uber ride home, getting kicked to the curb not one mile from my cousin’s house. I was stranded in Monterey Park, far from Palos Verdes, rolling balls, far from hope. Somehow, I made it home.
There were other nights. After my parents had enough of my shit, they sent me to my grandmas to live. I continued my behavior, not once thinking about others: cocaine, ecstasy, shrooms, booze, weed. Freeze frame on me throwing up in the shower: I was fucked.
Song ends
So there I was sitting outside the house we just moved back into in Gardena, the house I grew up in. It was around 12pm, and as I reflected on how I used so many drugs in a home that was so full of love, I went to the curb to smoke a cigarette. It was such a beautiful day. I’d never seen the sky so blue before. I thought how beautiful the world was, and I was angry that I had no place in it. I got to my door, and stopped before entering. It was so dark inside, all the blinds and shutters leaving no trace of that beautiful 12pm sun.
“What’ll it be tonight?” I heard a voice say from the darkness.
“Porn?”
“Food?”
“fooood…”
“Stay with me forever”
As I looked back, I saw the light of day stream into my dark garage. I heard birds chirping in the distance, and I knew that was God’s way of saying, “There is more to life than darkness”. I thought of Julissa. What was she doing? I wished I hadn’t pushed her away. Of all my friends, I realized in that moment, she was the one who cared about me the most. I thought back to the memories, both good and bad, from singing Hannah Montana at work, to our final friend date at the park. The last date we had, because she finally decided I was toxic. I was about to close my garage, when I thought of a passage from some Christian book I had read a few days prior.
“All good relationships are worth trying to fix.”
In a flurry of emotions, I decided what I wanted. Her.
{Side story: One night, I woke up from a wet dream. Embarrassed and afraid, I ran to my bathroom to clean myself up and wipe away the evidence. I imagined my friends and homies laughing at me, my father aware and ashamed. I buried my face in my pillow, and called out for Julissa in my mind. She answered, and told me what to do. The next morning, I was on Notepad, and I felt her father’s presence with me. He told me what I should do: “Loop your fingers in her jean loops, grab her ass, and kiss her”. I laughed with glee at how amazing that would feel.}
Dirty Phonic’s “Hoverboard” begins from riff.
I sprinted to my car. I decided right then and there what I was gonna do. I sped away, turning and speeding like a wild man. I never drove that fast in my life. I blasted some music to take the edge off, lighting a cigarette as I went.
Eye zoom in [Inside-Out, but with me as all of my emotions]
“We tried this once, her Marines were too quick! Abort Abort while we still can! Live to fight another day! -The Anger General.
“I’ve never been this excited in my whole life!” -The Excitement Kid.
We tried once, remember? She’s gonna think we’re crazy…she probably already does,” -The Depressing Eeyore.
“She’s probably a vain bitch anyway, that’s why she brushed you off remember?” – The Disgusting Homo.
“Oh god what if we end up in the psych ward, or worse!- The Crazy Fearful Old Man.
Eye zoom out.
Freeze frame.
SHE was fucked.
I never thought I’d see the day when I’d give my all to someone like that, putting it all out on the line. In life, sometimes things don’t really make sense, and all we’re left with is our gut feelings and emotions. I had never listened to them in the past. Until now.
I pulled up, parked, and started heading towards the entrance. “I forgot my phone!” I thought to myself. “Still a doofus…you can never pull off looking cool, can you Nic?” I went back to get it.
Song ends
Harry Gregson-Williams’s “Pita’s Sorrow” Begins
What happened next, I will never forget.
I saw her there, working the counter. I knew she saw me, but she had no idea what was about to go down. I knew my intentions were good.
I reached for her left jean loop with my thumb, trying to play it cool, as if I were check for a stain or something.
“What are you doing?” She asked.
“I just need to see something,” I responded smiling.
I realized, in that moment, why her father told me what he told me. It was a way of receiving consent.
“What are you doing?!” she asked, slightly afraid now.
She backed away, Victoria coming between us.
“Nic you need to go.”
As Julissa went to the back somewhere, I realized that I could not leave. Leaving in that way would have left everyone who witnessed to believe it was some kind of Psychotic episode, or worse, and attempt at something vile. I Escort Trabzon could not let that happen; my heart had good intentions.
As she walked away, I cried out for her.
I don’t care about anyone else!
I was bable crying desperately now, trying to both control my emotions while spilling my whole heart out in that hot, wretched place.
Where are you?! I cried.
In that moment, everyone faded away, not literally, but of importance. I searched for her all over the store, everyone seeming like a pillar getting between us.
Where is she?! I thought to myself.
“Nic she left,” Victoria said.
I leaned against the conveyor.
“I can’t do it without you,” I whispered to myself.
I left through the front door.
Why?!
Freeze Frame
I felt fucked.
As I left, some workers came to feel me up, gauging my emotions. I did just create the biggest scene ever, all on a random ass Thursday.
“You alright Nic?” Manny said.
Flor was there too, offering me her pity hug.
I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. “No!” I thought to myself. I didn’t want to fight him, I wasn’t that kind of angry. And I didn’t want to hug her, I wasn’t that kind of sad.
I finally allowed myself to feel.
“I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU CHRIS!” I bawled.
Freeze frame.
He was fucked.
Past Memory Montage
Sometime prior, I blamed him for everything that went wrong in my life. After an ordinary day working along side Julie, a day like any other, I was forced to confront the very real possibility that a gem like her slipped through my fingers. I walked to his place from the Cleaners, a good 10 miles. During the trip, the anger festered, and I felt it boiling inside me, gradually reasoning into hatred. By the time I got there, I was irate. As I approached his doorstep, I briefly thought of walking away. Perhaps I was being stupid. Perhaps it was all in my head. Maybe it was. But then, I heard him laugh.
“Tahhh haaa”
I knew he was high, and I knew what he was thinking. “He wouldn’t go through with it. Whatever greatness he once had is gone, he’s a shithead now, a fucking coward!”
So I proved him wrong.
[Photos of events]
Fade to black.
A few days after that happened, and after plotting to kill him and all his roommates, I quickly realized how silly I was being.
“A man fights his battle from within. The war is himself.”
Back to the car scene
I thought of going to the beach. But instead went home. I got drunk. What happened next was something I will never be able to explain. Sometimes things happen in life, unexplainable things, like magic. I had one of the most intimate experiences of my life. All from my room.
After getting little Caesars, and after sobering up, I poured the rest of the whiskey into the garden of my backyard. Why? Imagine eating the world’s most delicious apple, only to be tested to gorge on a ton of other apples. Apples that would make the consumer forget about that first delicious, unforgettable apple.
When the time came to leave for bootcamp, I was sure things could only get better from here.
“Bye son,” my dad said.
“Bye Dad”.
“You have everything you need?”
“Yup. I’m good”.
And I was gone.
Fade to black
Song Ends
The Prodigy’s “Stand Up” Begins
2 MONTHS LATER…
I felt like a new man. Having faced all my anxieties at bootcamp, and having learned a lot, I ultimately discovered the military wasn’t for me. They nabbed me one day for saying I wanted to kill myself, but hell, I meant from boredom! After just three days, they separated me from my original class, putting me in the “ship back home” division known as SEPS. So they sent me home to start my new life. Yet for some odd reason, I was relieved.
Like I said, much was learned there no doubt, and I was excited to be the great man I was destined to be. But there was still one problem. My dad. He was still his angry self, unwilling to let go of the past. I knew I needed his help though.
“Why can’t I work at the cleaners?” I asked.
“Her father put a restraining order on you, and I can’t have you there”.
“I’ve never seen any paperwork regarding those claims,” I thought to myself.
“Nic why don’t you take your medication? Try to find another job, ” My mother chimed.
I couldn’t believe this. All that positive change, all that I learned at bootcamp, and I was still being treated like I was the old me. Before continuing the argument though, I held true to my philosophy.
“You may not understand why something is happening to you or why, but in due time all will be revealed to you.”
I laughed at remembering that mid argument, and changed my tone.
“Alright. Well my plans are as follows”.
Pan out of kitchen window
My voice: I told him my plans. And he listened intently.
Fade to black.
My voice: I was ready. But it was in fate’s hands now.
Song Ends
Chapter 2: A Potential Future
“Babe…”
“Babe!”
Julissa snapped me back, having been deep in thought.
“Yea?”
“You okay?” she said, adjusting her ponytail with her hands. She looked like a model.
“Yea yea, I’m fine”.
I Trabzon Escort Bayan checked my watch. 12 p.m.
“Well you’re up bozo!” She said teasingly.
We were at Planet Fitness. It was midday, and she was wearing a yellow workout bra with black Lulu lemons to match. Her Nike sneakers were white, and she was red and hot and sweaty, looking sexy as hell.
I hopped on the pull up rack, noticing immediately how strong I was. “I don’t remember feeling this strong before,” I thought to myself. And, I was with Julissa! Something had to be off. But I didn’t dare question it. After ten pull-ups, I got off the bar.
“My turn!” She said
As she struggled to do one, her legs flailed and kicked in the air.
“HELP!” she squealed.
I came up behind her laughing, and steadied her from her waist. “WAIST!” I thought to myself, remember once hugging her shoulder way back on one of our first dates. It’s an inside thing.
I helped her finish her set.
“Well that’s it for me today…I’m pooped! Let’s get some In-N-Out!” she said playfully.
Later…
“What do you want babe?” I asked.
Her eyes looked up from her phone, and she skimmed the menu, her mouth slightly agape, her eyes straining slightly. I took the opportunity to…
“HAWWW!” I said, pinching her nose with my left hand.
“STOOOPP!” she said through closed nostrils, swatting my hand away.
“Owww,” I joked.
We looked at each other for a few seconds before…
“HAWWW” she said, pinching my own nose shut.
“Sir…your order?”
“Yea can I get two double double meals please?” I said through closed nostrils.
We both laughed, got our food, and drove off.
Red Hot Chili Peppers’s “Dark Necessities” plays
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“My house…” I presumed.
“Babe stop being silly…we moved outta there a while ago. Chris is probably waiting for us.”
“Okay something is definitely off,” I thought to myself. Maybe I was dreaming. I was concerned, but Chris’s house?! I dare not question it.
We went up the stairs, and as I searched for the keys in my gym bag, Chris opened the door.
“Sup FOOLS!”
He hugged Julissa, and gave me a bro hug.
“Ugh you’re all sweaty and shit bro! You too Jules!” And you smell like fuckin’ onions”.
“Yea me and Jules had some In-N-Out so we’re good on food. I’m gonna take a quick shower…”
My voice trailed off as I looked at the beauty before me. She was looking the kitchen up and down, the light from the room chandelier making her yellow workout bra a highlighter color. “The highlight of my life,” I thought to myself.
“Care to join me babe?” I asked confidently.
She smiled and enormous grin, and leaped into my arms.
“Alright well I guess I’m eating alone tonight…again! Tu-huh…”
I kissed her hard. My hands explored her body for the first time. I felt her embrace, then her waist, then her tight ass through her jeans. I grabbed with all my strength. She moaned into my mouth. In a single swoop, I used my right arm to collect her up, taking a deep breath at the same time.
“Can I join you guys…”
“NO!!!” We both yelled, her smiling, and me eventually smiling too.
We made our way to the bathroom, pulling each other’s clothes off. I noticed how fit I looked in the bathroom mirror, and her hand guided my chin to meet her eyes.
“Eyes up here, mister”.
I howled with all my strength, and her hand came up to cover my mouth. I howled through her hand, and she laughed.
I remember bits and pieces: neck kissing, lip biting, gnawing at her naked flesh. “There isn’t enough of you,” I remember thinking.
I turned the shower on, and the cold water hit her back.
“Ahhhhh!” she screamed buoyantly.
“I’ll save you!” I said in a courageous tone, swinging her around to protect her from the cold water. I inadvertently hit the heat switch though, causing the now searing hot water to hit my back!
“Ahhhh FUCK!” I yelped.
“I’ll save you mister,” she said sexily.
I leaned my back against the tile of the shower, legs slightly apart. My eyes drank her in, her smooth calves, slender waist, and perfect titties causing my cock to throb. It began pulsing and filling with every beat of my heart. Soon, it is veiny and thick, ready for her use.
“Gustavo is hungry,” I said sexily, referring to my massive erection. Another inside thing. “Wait…” I said dorkily, “…wouldn’t it technically be YOU that was hungry?”. Before I could say anything dumber, she lowered herself onto me.
Right before she put me in her mouth, though, she shot me the worlds sexiest gaze, a gaze that said “I’m about to suck the shit outta your cock”. And so she began.
Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Her sounds of slurping filled the room, and it reverberated throughout my entire body. My fingers found her earlobes, and I began playing with them between my fingers. As I did so, she closed her eyes and smiled up at me, and I will never forget how sexy and cute she looked. After a time, she gently brushed my hands away, signaling me to let her do the work. She was bobbing quickly now; a piston to my rod, a fucking steam engine pump working at maximum capacity. God I was turned on, and I let out a wimpier to let her know. The pleasure was so intense; head was so much better than any porno could ever try to convey. The wetness of her warm orifice, the vibrations from her moaning around my cock, that look of longing in her eyes. The look of a woman who wanted to please her lover.